my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
