so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
