it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
