Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
