once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
