Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
