You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
