things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
