yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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