Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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