We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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