non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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