if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
