I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
