Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
