I puked a lego.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
