I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
