haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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