So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize