the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
