Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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