you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
