i just had sex bonerless
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
