the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize