You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
