She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
