i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
