There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
