doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
