So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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