he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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