and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
