id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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