every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
