Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
