even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
