I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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