How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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