Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
