My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
