Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
