I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize