He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
