so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
