Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
