What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
