@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
