Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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