my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
