I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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