The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
