God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
