he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize