Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
