There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
