i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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