I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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