So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
