he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
