I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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