Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
