No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
