either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
