If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
