Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You need a sexual gate keeper
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize