i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
