Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
