My boss' voice literally gives me gas
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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