the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
