He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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