Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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