Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
