Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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