you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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