apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
