it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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