woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
