last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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