ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
