i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
