Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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