I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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