Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
