And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
