So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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