I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
