Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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