the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
