My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize