I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
