The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
