i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
