I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
